I couldn’t breathe..
My ears were ringing and my head was pounding. Every thought I had led to more pain. I felt so uncomfortable and was suffering so acutely that I didn’t really want to live anymore. Every cell in my body seemed to ache and my brain was screaming at me ‘how could you do this to me?!’.
I had been working non-stop, mistakenly thinking that this was the only way to be worthy, to feel loved. Work provided a distraction to the fact that I had zero romantic interests and had lost touch with most of my friends and family. I had been feeling like I had to be everything to everyone, that I was letting them down somehow if I didn’t ‘save the day’. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t exercise, had no appetite. My mind was racing which led to body aches, shortness of breath, and nausea. Everything seemed so loud, so bright, so overwhelming. A short trip to the convenience store led me to shudder. Driving was a nightmare. My skin was crawling, day and night. As I laid awake for hours in bed that night, wracked with anxiety and pain, I even considered taking my own life for the first time.
I wanted desperately to escape, to get away from myself.
The only thing that finally, mercifully, got me off to sleep was the image of my family surrounding me, hugging me, giving me love. This image seemed to take the edge off just enough to loosen the ropes that had knotted my stomach. It was at this moment I realized, love is the antidote, the cure. The pain that was dominating my life didn’t have to control me anymore. There was a way out of the fear, a way to feel calm and whole again.
So what did I do?
I started to tell myself..
..You don’t have to be at the mercy of your thoughts. you are worthy, you are loved. Breathe deeply, be present. Show love and be open to receiving love. You don’t have to give reasons to do what you love to do. Work is not everything, it will not love you back. More time and less money will make you happier than more money and less time. People will love you, for you. Be a fan of yourself. Be kind to animals and children. Eat healthy, get exercise. Get out in nature. Enjoy music. Make more time for family. Exhale. The universe loves you and has a plan for you if you just surrender to it. Laugh more. Listen closely. Love fearlessly..
There is a way to feel good again.
-love is the cure-